Longboard Blues

This critique is on behalf of PoeticalCondition

This is an adorable yet simple poem. The use of rhymes works well for it. Although I think that you could add punctuation marks in order for the work to be read more fluently. There is a need for poets and general writers to know the importance of punctuation, since these actually give the work a means to be read properly.

Right now I don't know where the sentences begin and end; I don't know where the pause is - I can't seem to understand whether there is meant to be any emphasis anywhere... it just seems like one big long breath expelled in the form of a run on sentence.

While it is adorable, it can be improved further.